Chapter 17. The List of Fifteen: A Study in the Supply and Demand of Sex

What follows is a continuation of a series of articles comprising a book entitled “Passion, Power, and Panties–Confessions of a Businessman” wherein the author describes being raised as a Jehovah’s Witness, spending almost ten years at their Bethel headquarters in Brooklyn, NY and then entering the ”outside”  world at the age of 27.  For purposes of continuity, I encourage you to subscribe in the column to the right so as not to miss a post.  It is free and without obligation

Warning:  Chapters 14 through 19 contain sexually explicit narratives, told in the language of the street as I learned to speak it.  I discuss these adventures, not in a spirit of narcissism or exhibitionism, but in the wider context of a former Jehovah’s Witness  who was seeking new meaning and purpose after leaving a cult-like church that had defined every aspect of my existence virtually from birth.  I was determined to experience life for the first time on MY terms, and I was going to draw my conclusions from first-hand experience, not hear-say or the value judgments of others.  If you have been following from previous chapters, we pick up the thread here as I enter the dating scene in earnest at the age of 36.  I share my observations and conclusions more or less in the order in which I formed them, and they evolve over time, as you will see.

All of life is a competition, for every resource in existence.  We compete for food, for power, for territory, for status, and yes, we compete for our mates.  Our obsession with certainty notwithstanding, there is very little in life that is a sure thing.  We compete to take from others, and we defend to keep what we value.  Over millenia of evolution we have developed behaviors that at first glance are puzzling, even bizarre, but when viewed in the context of survival strategy, make perfect sense.  Life, Nature, the Universe, however you want to refer to it, is attuned to survival of the species, and sex and mating have a high priority because of their essential participation in the survival process.  Most enduring behaviors were successful because they produced a survival advantage.

Here is how I arrived at some of these conclusions.  Most of the women I have known had babies (or children), or wanted babies, or had grown children that they still treated like babies.  In conversation, any conversation, on any subject, within five or ten minutes the topic became their babies.  I think they start thinking about babies when they are very young, maybe only five or six years old.  In the dating scene a male quickly discovers that the fastest way to a woman’s heart (and often into her panties) is to engage her in extended, rapturous conversation about her kids.  Depending on what stage of life a woman is at, her desire for a “permanent” mate will fluctuate.  A provider male provides a measure of safety, survival skills (bringing home the “bacon”), protection for the female and the young.  Sometimes a woman will flirt with someone other than her mate, or even sneak off “into the bushes” for a liaison or tryst with another male, and even this apparently enhances her survival prospects, for if her “hunter-husband” fails to return alive from the hunt, or war, she has a potential replacement for him in the wings.  Sexual jealousy plays a survival role for both the male and the female; the female retains her survival advantage with her successful mate, and the male wants to assure that his limited resources are going to promote the survival of his own offspring, not that of his competition–other males.  In the absence of DNA testing, sexual jealousy played a vital role, and still does.  In terms of survival strategy, Nature doesn’t want a male to sow his seed only when one female is ready and fertile, and then wait until she is ready again, perhaps after giving birth and breastfeeding her infant.  With the high mortality rate of primitive man, the species could easily be extinguished at that rate.  No, the man could continue to sow his seed with many women, because the chances of most of the offspring surviving to the age where they could in turn reproduce themselves was slim indeed.  No, Nature is a study in massive overkill in order to achieve her ends.  So all of this makes sense of sorts, but it also involves very conflicting behaviors.  In my opinion, a study of millenia of human sexual behavior in all cultures does not support a conclusion that we are a naturally monogamous species.    Most, but not all, cultures manifest monogamy at some level, but they also uniformly manifest pervasive “infidelity”.  Women will wander also, although not quite as often, perhaps, as men, and for different reasons. 

As I have written before, men in modern society operate at a significant disadvantage because our Western culture demands an unnatural monogamy when these males are at their sexual prime.  The culture exerts considerable pressure on these males to mate “permanently” or at least to give the appearance of such, and the culture reproaches and sanctions males who “cannot commit” to one female.  Our culture, with the aid of religion, puts a young man at war with his own nature.  The female’s biological imperative pushes her to demand this as the status quo, and the male’s biological imperative is to spread his seed.  In terms of the man’s happiness, it must be said that when he marries he has granted his new bride a monopoly on his sexual satisfaction at precisely the time in life when they have a grossly mismatched libido.  He has to sneak his needs due both to social opprobrium and also because discovery can result in a disastrous division of assets under the jurisdiction of the courts.  Which is a very dicey affair under the best of circumstances.   Because his sexual needs are the more urgent, generally speaking, at a young age, he is at a huge negotiating disadvantage biologically speaking.  Whoever wants sex the most  empowers the other party and most likely loses the negotiation.  The woman wins.

It is all about sexual Supply and Demand.  When they are in their teens, twenties, and perhaps even their early thirties, the male libido far outstrips that of the female.  If he has a girl friend or fiancee or wife, the Supply has been reduced to One!  And she now has other priorities.  Like children, for example.  She has been granted by society a monopoly on his greatest survival need–to produce offspring–lots of them!  Because from Nature’s perspective, who knows how many of those offspring, or indeed, if any of them will survive to maturity.  This is the situation I found myself in when I left Jehovah’s Witnesses, and then my wife of sixteen years.  I did NOT want to go out and immediately get into another monogamous relationship.  I wanted SEX.  I had had all of two sexual partners in my entire life; I was in my late thirties, and I definitely wanted to know what I didn’t know.  And although I didn’t have the language to articulate it at the time, I wanted to find a solution to the imbalance culture and religion placed on sexual behavior.  I felt it was very unfair that society, or at least polite society disdained a young man’s philandering as a manifestation of his fall from grace.  He is attacked by women with condescension and viewed as lacking character, and discussed in soft tones among men with manly knowing chuckles and indulgence.  Although women would be outraged by the errant behavior of their mates, I often found them to be quite indulgent with their own nubile sons.  What, I wondered, was an appropriate way to pursue my goals and feel good about myself, and without alienating the very women I wanted to get to know better?  How to correct the perverse imbalance between the supply and demand of sex? 

Here is what I learned, and would share with young men everywhere: 

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Chapter 16. What I Could Teach Tiger Woods

What follows is a continuation of a series of articles comprising a book entitled “Passion, Power, and Panties–Confessions of a Businessman” wherein the author describes being raised as a Jehovah’s Witness, spending almost ten years at their Bethel headquarters in Brooklyn, NY and then entering the ”outside”  world at the age of 27.  For purposes of continuity, I encourage you to subscribe in the column to the right so as not to miss a post.  It is free and without obligation

Warning:  Chapters 14 through 19 contain sexually explicit narratives, told in the language of the street as I learned to speak it.  I discuss these adventures, not in a spirit of narcissism or exhibitionism, but in the wider context of a former Jehovah’s Witness  who was seeking new meaning and purpose after leaving a cult-like church that had defined every aspect of my existence virtually from birth.  I was determined to experience life for the first time on MY terms, and I was going to draw my conclusions from first-hand experience, not hear-say or the value judgments of others.  If you have been following from previous chapters, we pick up the thread here as I enter the dating scene in earnest at the age of 36.  I share my observations and conclusions more or less in the order in which I formed them, and they evolve over time, as you will see.

*   *   *

Eventually of course, I moved beyond sheer anatomical curiosity.  I was still nervous about sexual activities and unsure of myself, but I was also developing a sense of annoyance and sometimes downright anger and frustration with the dating game.  It was obvious we were all, men and women, constantly negotiating, and the Grand Prize was either sex or the resources it could be traded for.  It was equally obvious that the women made the decision as to whether or not it happened.   Feminists who loudly bemoan what they perceive as male dominance and women’s victimhood overlook this one single indisputable fact:  women control the pussy in the world, and that is power.  Real power.  And like youth itself, this kind of power is wasted on the young.  Most young girls seem to be trying to find out what it feels like to be in love and they are trying out their emotions on their boyfriends, which really confuses the boyfriends, who are trying to find out what it feels like to get laid.  The boys end up thinking the girls are nuts.  And the girls think the boys are obsessed with sex.  Neither gender has enough information, or they wouldn’t be so surprised at the behavior of the other.

A woman’s beauty is a major source of her power.  This is not about vanity or a male-dominated culture.  Quite the opposite:  in cultures where women are truly powerless, such as in certain Islamic countries, women are veiled and covered from head to toe to deprive them of the power of their looks.  In a free society, women spending a lot of time on their appearance is a survival tactic, and this one, believe me, is not vestigial!  Pretty women  receive advantages throughout life:  babies like them better, and so do men, who are often just bigger babies.  We will pay their way, change their flat tires, and open their doors.  Women  will spend endless hours on their hair and cosmetics, not to mention plastic surgery in order to attract men, tempt men.  Male lust for women is a  source of great female power.  It is nature’s way.  Should it surprise men then that women don’t give away the goodies for free?

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Chapter 13. Sex for Resources

What follows is a continuation of a series of articles comprising a book entitled “Passion, Power, and Panties–Confessions of a Businessman” wherein the author describes being raised as a Jehovah’s Witness, spending almost ten years at their headquarters in Brooklyn, NY and then entering the ”outside”  world at the age of 27.  For purposes of continuity, I encourage you to subscribe in the column to the right so as not to miss a post.  It is free and without obligation

In time we exhausted, and dominated the market in our part of the state, and I decided to enter the market of a major metropolitan area about 170 miles away.  

I spent about six months doing market research on the cheap, which meant asking what local fast food restaurants were paying their help in order to get a frame of reference what the current wage rates were in this new city.  At the time most fast food restaurants were paying $3.45 per hour, so I based my quotations on that wage rate.  What I did not know, was that at the time, there were over ten million square feet of new office space under construction in this city.  When all that office space was completed and was occupied, there was going to be a major surge in the demand for new housekeepers.  With the supply of labor more or less fixed, and the demand for cleaners surging, the result was quite predictable:  a surge in the price of labor.  Which meant that all those new contracts I had just sold in this city were going to lose money, because we were going to be unable to staff the buildings at the wage rates we had quoted, and if we raised the wages, we could not raise the prices, and so were going to take a serious financial hit.

 We tried to hold the line on our wages at the level we had quoted the new business at:  remember we were in the cleaning business, and labor is by far the largest cost of doing business.  As we tried to hold our wages at the levels we had quoted the business at, the competition for labor was intensifying in the city, and our competitors were slowly offering more money.  And so were the fast food restaurants, and every other enterprise that operates with entry-level labor.  I would often pass the same Wendy’s unit on my way to work, and they constantly had Help Wanted signs in the window, and I noticed that the offered rate of pay went up about $.25 per hour every two months or so.  The significance of this had not quite seeped into my consciousness, but I woke up at a trade show in St. Louis later that same year.  I was talking over cocktails with one of my Jewish competitors from back in my home state, and he said about one 22-story office building we cleaned:  “My cousins run that building.  Don’t you think I’d have that contract if I wanted it?  Why do you think I don’t have it?  Because I don’t want it, because I can’t make any money at it.” 

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Chapter 9. Starting Over: From Rags to Regulators.

What follows is a continuation of a series of articles comprising a book entitled “Passion, Power, and Panties–Confessions of a Businessman” wherein the author describes being raised as a Jehovah’s Witness, spending almost ten years at their headquarters in Brooklyn, NY and then entering the ”outside”  world at the age of 27.  For purposes of continuity, I encourage you to subscribe in the column to the right so as not to miss a post.  It is free and without obligation. 

During the last few weeks at Watchtower, I began preparations for entering the outside working world.  Since I loved to write, I sought a job as a writer.  It took no time at all to discover that writers with  phD’s were falling out of trees.  My first obstacle was how to explain how I had spent the last nine years of my life.  Life in a monastery?  A waiter, bookbinder, letter writer for Jehovah’s Witnesses??  How to explain why I left?  To have children?  On the outside, people didn’t have to quit their jobs and relocate in order to start a family.  What was I qualified to do?  How much did I have to earn to survive, to support a wife and possible child?  I had no idea about any of the above.  I had never bought a car, established credit, learned a trade, or gone to college.  I was twenty-seven years old.  During the few disastrous  job interviews before we left Brooklyn, I did learn the short answer to why I left my last “position”:  “Career redirection.”   My first lesson in spin control.  Substance and unnecessary detail were not nearly as important as a few words that created a brief image.  I also learned a quick lesson right out of law school:  Never answer a question that hasn’t been asked.  Also,  never ask a question to which you don’t already know the answer.

Suffused with early rejection and a sense of impending disaster, Barbara and I decided to move to Youngstown, Ohio where she grew up.  Her parents encouraged us to stay with them until we got on our feet.  Our timing was impeccable.  Unknown to us, Youngstown Sheet and Tube, a steel company that was a pillar of the economic community was about to announce its closing, the first in a string of dominoes due to fall in quick succession and ultimately to devastate the local economy.  Unbeknownst to us, the biggest business in the Youngstown area appeared to be organized crime, and the economy was so bad even they were leaving town.  With tens of thousands thrown out of work, we came to Youngstown like two immigrants just off the boat and looking for work.  And like first-generation immigrants, because of being sequestered for over nine years in near-monastic existence, we couldn’t speak the language of the new world in which we found ourselves.  I couldn’t even begin to comprehend their thought processes.  It was massive culture shock, and we were too ignorant and innocent to even feel sorry for ourselves.

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Chapter 7. From Manufacturing to Amanuensis

What follows is a continuation of a series of articles comprising a book entitled “Passion, Power, and Panties–Confessions of a Businessman” wherein the author describes being raised as a Jehovah’s Witness, spending almost ten years at their headquarters in Brooklyn, NY and then entering the ”outside”  world at the age of 27.  For purposes of continuity, I encourage you to subscribe in the column to the right so as not to miss a post.  It is free and without obligation. 

During this period of time, there were several other interesting developments.  My boss, Ralph Lindem, who was a very kind man who struggled mightily with his management responsibilities,  was bumped upstairs to Purchasing, and was replaced by John Adams, who was in his early thirties and very bright.  John quickly shuffled the deck of bindery leadership, put some young, bright men who were very loyal to him in charge of various departments, and in no time at all had the bindery humming.  Production improved quickly, and in contrast to his predecessor who had put in such long days, John was often to be found in the Bindery Office reading the New York Times, with his feet propped up on the desk, an impertinence Ralph Lindem would never have dreamed of.  When the Factory Overseer, a soft-spoken Swede named  Max Larsen  would wander by, John showed respect by putting his feet down, but he did so unapologetically.  This took chutzpah because, to me at least,  Max Larsen always conveyed the impression of an iron fist in a velvet glove.  Maybe John just knew how good he was at his job.  One of many business lessons I learned from John Adams was never to confuse activity with results.

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Chapter 4. Poverty, Up Close and Personal

he column to the right so as not to miss a post.  It is free and without obligation.

What follows is a continuation of a series of articles comprising a book entitled “Passion, Power, and Panties–Confessions of a Businessman” wherein the author describes being raised as a Jehovah’s Witness, spending almost ten years at their headquarters in Brooklyn, NY and then entering the ”outside”  world at the age of 27.  For purposes of continuity, I encourage you to subscribe in t

 

Sometimes being a Witness kid was painful, sometimes not.  What I personally hated the most was being required to sit during the national anthem at school.  I felt so conspicuous and I felt it was one of the harder beliefs to defend.  Sometimes I would be derided, even kicked in the back by other kids.  I also got beat up a lot on the school bus.  My father had taught me that if I ever got in trouble at school I would get a whipping at home.  This was my introduction to justice, but I accepted it because it made about as much sense to me as Original Sin (you’re condemned from birth for something you didn’t do).  My solution eventually was to walk the two miles to and from school.  I told my parents I wanted the exercise.

Our school life had three basic groups of kids:  Academic (college preps), Commercial (secretaries and beauticians), and Vocational (the dumb kids).  At least that’s how things were perceived.  Kids can often by cruel, and since I didn’t fit into any of the three groups, I really had no group or clique to attach to at school lunches.  So school lunches became hell for me.  I obviously belonged to the preps, except I wasn’t going to college, so I was ostracized by them.  As a minority of one, without any support group, I became an open target to the VoAg boys, who delighted in throwing food at me or whatever other mischief they could think of.  The school faculty was not particularly sympathetic since they felt I brought this on myself, and my request for permission to spend the lunch period in the library was denied.  There was this one particular kid who took  delight in making my life miserable.  He had flunked two or three years and I found him very intimidating.  I had heard a story about how he had beat up a kid with a lead pipe.  One Sunday afternoon while participating in door-to-door activity, I was up in rotation in the car to take the next house and there was this same guy out in the front yard.  I expressed considerable concern, but agreed to take my turn.  I gave this kid my entire spiel and he stood there and said nothing.  When I concluded with an offer of some publications, he politely refused.  The following Monday he sent one of his cronies over to me in the lunchroom to tell me never to come to his house again.  The harassment in the lunchroom stopped from that day forward, however.  There was, however, the sense of total alienation from the outside world; we knew we did not belong.  And we knew that same sense of alienation was our badge of honor, proof positive of our righteousness.

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Chapter 3. The Sex Police

What follows is a continuation of a series of articles comprising a book entitled “Passion, Power, and Panties–Confessions of a Businessman” wherein the author describes being raised as a Jehovah’s Witness, spending almost ten years at their headquarters in Brooklyn, NY and then entering the ”outside”  world at the age of 27.  For purposes of continuity, I encourage you to subscribe in the column to the right so as not to miss a post.  It is free and without obligation.

It was easier for those of us who were born into a Witness family than for converts.  We never missed the holidays because we had never celebrated them.  We saw everyone around us celebrating them, but that is not the same as having had to give them up.  Which brings me to the subject of making converts.  Many churches build on pre-existing ethnic, tribal, or racial ties.  For example, if you are Irish, you are probably also Catholic; if you are British, you are probably a member of the Anglican church; if you are an American  Southern black, you are probably Baptist.  Jehovah’s Witnesses have no such ties working for them.  The basis for their fellowship is therefore totally contrived.  Intellectual belief then is supremely important.  Jehovah’s Witnesses use an intellectual hook to catch their converts.

They want to show you the contradictions and misrepresentations common to all other belief systems.  They want you to question why you should stick with a belief system that didn’t bring you the truth.  And if they can demonstrate that part of what you believe is patently untrue, how can you have confidence in the rest of it?  It is for this reason that Jehovah’s Witnesses frequently know more about what your religion teaches than you do.  They have to study your beliefs to discover their flaws, so they can point them out to you. In most cases if they know as little as five Bible verses they can hit a home run against an adversary. 

As conscious beings, we humans have a spiritual need for meaning to our short lives.  For most of us, we accept what our familial culture has handed to us without subjecting our beliefs to much scrutiny.  This provides fertile soil for Jehovah’s Witnesses to cultivate by planting seeds of doubt.

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Passion, Power, and Panties . . . Confessions of a Businessman Preface, part 2

What follows is the second half of the Preface, a continuation of a series of articles comprising a book entitled “Passion, Power, and Panties–Confessions of a Businessman” wherein the author describes being raised as a Jehovah’s Witness, spending almost ten years at their headquarters in Brooklyn, NY and then entering the ”outside”  world at the age of 27.  For purposes of continuity, I encourage you to subscribe in the column to the right so as not to miss a post.  It is free and without obligation.

Psychology is the discipline that studies the fears that prevent us from perceiving reality correctly or of acting appropriately upon the knowledge and awareness of reality available to us.  One of the greatest appeals of religion is that it seduces us into believing we can short-circuit this entire process and rely on another to shoulder the burdens of dealing with reality.  This relieves us of the onerous burden of choosing our Purpose, and obviates the need for self-directed action, risk-taking, and courage to take those risks.  It welcomes us to the world of victim-hood, for having borrowed the purposes, principles, and ethics of others, we surely cannot be held responsible for the consequences of our actions, and having chosen to avoid thinking in order to avoid choices, we find ourselves unable to face life and its greatest issues with a direct gaze and our heads held high.  We are hostages of vague fears.  We can never become a champion of our own happiness, and must live our life at the most mundane, concrete level.  We have condemned ourselves to living the life of what Ayn Rand called a second-hander.   We never experience the joys of ownership–of ourselves.  Where there can be no failure, there can be no success.  Failing to empower ourselves at the deepest level, we may even attempt to substitute power over others.

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John Bechtel- Entrepreneur, Investor, Author & Speaker Welcomes You